On looking for light

Light. Maybe it’s because I’m a photographer, or maybe it comes with living in a famously grey corner of the world .. but I’m obsessed with light. I notice it, I look for it .. it defines the way I feel on too many days! I can tell you the timing of sunlight streaming through the different corners of my home .. I could easily spend my day moving through our house as sunlight rests on different corners – having chai as I work in one, praying in another, laying on our bed for a quick few minutes when sunshine pours through the awkward rectangular window in our bedroom …

I guess it isn’t weird then that in some of my most significant memories, I remember the light! I remember the beautiful sunshine lighting up the world outside that hospital window the day of Anya’s birth. And I remember almost a year later, waking up the day after Papa died, looking at the sunshine outside and thinking how ironic it was for such a heavy day to be so beautiful. Later this same day, on the way back from the funeral, we stopped at a rest area and again I distinctly remember the golden sunset light streaming around us as we stood with loved ones with chai we sipped on but could barely taste… Maybe I especially remember the light from the hard days because that is when I was most desperate for it. Because even through the worst of our days there is light .. maybe the tiniest, most minute-est rays of hope that can remind us that things will be okay, that we can get through the next moment, hour, day. All it takes is for us to be aware. to notice. the light.

Maybe this prompt from @hibamasood for #ramadanmoonmusings was just the reminder I needed now through these days that are starting to look unending, anxiety ready to surface with every trigger.. to just keep looking for the light.. 

This post was originally shared on Instagram. You can check that out and the conversation under it here.